I rest my case

When I saw these headlines, there was no doubt in my mind in which state the events they describe occured. I swear it's the humidity that makes us act this way.

Burglars snort man's ashes, thought it was cocaine

MIAMI Wed Jan 19, 2011 3:11pm EST

MIAMI (Reuters) - Burglars snorted the cremated remains of a man and
two dogs in the mistaken belief that they had stolen illegal drugs, Florida sheriff's deputies said on Wednesday.

Read the whole thing. That took place about 90 minutes south of where I live. This next one happened about an hour north.

Cow attacks man, wife hits animal with truck to save husband

ST. LUCIE COUNTY — A 70-year-old man was flown to a local trauma center with serious injuries over the weekend after a cow attacked him at a ranch, according to a recently released St. Lucie County Sheriff’s Office report.

Oscar Wilcox was flown to Lawnwood Regional Medical Center & Heart Institute in Fort Pierce following the New Year’s Day incident at a ranch in the 10300 block of Carlton Road. He was listed Tuesday in critical condition, a hospital spokeswoman said.

Wilcox’s wife told a deputy that her husband was working on a fence in the pasture when she heard him scream. She drove into the pasture and saw a cow “attacking” her husband.

“She was able to hit the cow several times with the truck to get it off of her husband,” the report states.

That my friends, is what true love is all about. When you see a cow trampling your husband, ram her with your F150 untl she stops.

My beloved Florida, rendering satire impossible since 1845.