CAMBRIDGE, MASS. At a ceremony this morning, officials at Harvard University congratulated the Valedictorian of the Class of 2013, Ted Baker, a freshman from Metuchen, N.J.
Though the honor is typically bestowed at graduation to the senior with the highest cumulative grade point average, University officials said Mr. Baker has shown "remarkable potential" since he arrived on campus early last month. "We are confident that having been recognized as the outstanding scholar in the Class of 2013, Ted will do very well on his first mid-term exams," said one official who preferred to remain anonymous. Mr. Baker reportedly intends to major in either economics or European literature. "Of course, I don't have to decide that until midway through my sophomore year," he commented. "And that's a ways off."
The school also named its salutatorian for the Class of 2013, Jamie Griffin, currently a 6th grader at St. Stanislaus Catholic School in Stockbridge . . . .
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Hilarious. But then again, it might be worse if he had won the Nobel Peace prize for things he had actually done, because that would mean that he had actually caused real damage.
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